No one's listening to me

What kind of oppression have you experienced in your life?

I had my worker and I work on it together.  And so I looked it up in the dictionary.  And I thought, “wow, okay, because I’ve heard that word, but what does it really mean?”

So I put the state of unjust treatment.

The first thing that ever happened after my accident- I fell- something didn’t seem right. I had my grandbaby visiting me from out of town and I never ever say I am too tired or I am not well.  My grandkid comes first.  And I ended up having to go home because I felt like crap after I fell.

I went to doctor and all he asked me to do was to ask me to touch my toes and then he sent me home.

And I said, “No, something wrong.  No one’s listening to me.”

All I could do is cry.

I went to the doctor like three times and no one would listen to me.  All I could say was something was wrong, but I didn’t know what was wrong.

I was very mistaken for depressed.

I couldn’t walk or talk or do anything.

I needed a buddy and I lived alone.  There was no one to help me.  So I went home and stayed there.

Then my girl friend comes for a visit and she sees me and basically held my hand and took me- and started deal with stuff.  I wasn’t dealing with my finances.  I wasn’t dealing with anything.

So there was people not listening to me, not feeling heard, not feeling validated, people getting mad at me all the time.  Because I was not like them.

For example I had to sell my house. I told my realtor that he would probably get mad at me.  I said, “I might not remember what you tell me.”  And he did.

I also think people were afraid of me, like they didn’t know how to deal with me.  They didn’t have the compassion.

Some people treat me like a nobody and I really have to stand up for myself.  They think I’m stupid.

They don’t bother to get to know me.  They assume.

How would you suggest someone redefine normal in order to overcome oppression?

Just be open.  Be willing to learn.  Treat everyone with respect. Mindfulness is a new word I learned. Have a sense of humor.  Just treat everyone as a whole human being.

I am still a mother who can mother.

I am still a grandmother who can grandmother

I am still a homemaker.

I’m still a driver.

I’m still somebody.

And I am still very intelligent; I just can’t always reach that intelligence.  All that knowledge is still there.  I can still access it.  It’s just harder to get to it.

What strengths do you have and how does that change how you see yourself?

The new me lives in the moment.  Everyone aspires to, and now I do it naturally.  Don’t ask me what I am doing tomorrow.  I forget what happened yesterday.

I can forgive someone very easily and I don’t hold a grudge.

I am very determined.  Stubborn too.

Feisty and adventurous.

And I love learning.  I wanted to go to school every 5 years.  Not quite ready yet, but soon I want to go back again.

Does that change how you view yourself.

I have to remind myself more now and I have to be more mindful of myself.  I have to forgive and love myself with the new me.  It’s even more important- you really have to look at your core.  I felt like I lost myself. I’m almost redefining who I am.  And so I have to tell myself. 

There’s no one there to tell me, so I have to tell myself. 

I had to find a new sense of being.  Like who am I now?  There was a period of feeling a nothingness and then slowly working towards doing all that again.

My thing is my grandkids are little.  I’ll learn with them all over again.

Basically I decided I am still the same person.  I can do anything I set my mind to.  I just have to do it slightly different as a different pace.  I still have the intelligence. 

There is a few things I can’t do now.

I always thought before I had a head injury, “I wonder if I can climb Mount Everest.”

Now I know I can’t.  Now I know that is way to extreme.

I have to learn my limitations all over again.

Before I used to think, “I wonder if I could.  Now I know I couldn’t.:

The other thing too is that I have to work harder.  I have to find ways to do things differently. 

Now that I’m seeing my accomplishments, it is very rewarding.

I was afraid to try before because I was so broken. 

How do you wish people would listen to you more?  What would you like to tell society in order to overcome oppression?

Stop bashing me. 

Just treat us with respect.  Just treat everybody with respect.

A church couple invited me over to their house and they asked me what the most important thing in relationships is.  I named three things.

And they said, “no, no, no.  The most important thing is respect.”

For years I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out if it is true or not.

I think everything comes under respect.  Mindfulness comes under respect.  Love comes under respect.  All those lovely words can come under respect.